THE DRIVE HOME

I should have written this on Sunday to give you some in sight on my progress. But I didn't, so I will give you the obviated version. I think when I'm over tired and not feeling well, I feel more sadden over my loss then I do on the average day. Not saying that I don't miss him everyday, because I do. It just hits harder on those days. I had just worked 6 days, was over tired and my knees where killing me. I was out of meds and had to wait to see the DR on Tuesday. So I got nothing done, just sat and thought of Brad. Not productive. Didn't even get dressed. But by Wednesday I was all smiles, felt great, was enjoying the warm temps. The birds where singing and I had happy thoughts of Brad. And as I thought of Brad, I knew I was OK and he was happy that I was doing so good. I love spring, the trees are starting to come back, the flowers are coming up. The world is waking and it's all good. But on my drive home a strange thing happened. As I was approaching our road, I had a fleeting imagine of Brad's face in front of me, and I could actually feel my hand on his face. Keep in mind both of my hands where on the steering wheel at the time. And just as fast as it appeared, it was gone. It didn't scare me, or make me sad. It felt so good and so peaceful. I know he will always be with me. So I turned my radio up, open the sun roof and kept right on going. I love you honey.

SPRING

Well it's spring and March has been a different kind of month. It's been for the most part quite nice. Unusually warm in the 60's. The trees are budding out, flowers are coming out. I have seen Robins, Red Wing Black Birds, and one day this week a Bald Headed Eagle. The wildlife is starting to wake up, my daughter saw a Woodchuck, and I have seen a couple of Muskrats. It seems so early to see the last two. But today mother nature reminded us that things can change a minutes noticed. Yesterday sunny and mid 60's today snowing and only in the low 30's. Yes, we are in Michigan. At least it won't last.

Not as young as I thought

Age has a way of slapping you in the face as a reminder. I went away this past weekend with my daughter and grand daughter. She was in a dance competition. So we loaded up the van Friday night around 7 pm and headed across the state. It was only about a 2 1/2 hr drive but after working all day, rushing home to pack, then driving over to Grand Rapids, I was tired. So we settled in and got ready for bed, we had to be up by 5 AM to be at the competition by 6:30 AM. No that is not a type-o, I am talking like morning, bright and early. This was starting at 7:30 AM. So we got there and she was the 2cd group on, great we can go and get breakfast and grab a nap. WRONG! We had to hang around until the awards at 11:30. Ok, I can do this. So I snoozed a little in the chairs, (well I tried too). Boy,I was sure getting hungry. No breakfast, no snacks. Well I'm not going to starve to death. Finally awards. They did great. Got a High Gold and 4th place. Now we had wait for her to make her way to us when a quick trip to ladies room and out of here. HA! First a lady ask me if I was leaving and could she have my seat. She darn near pushed me out so she could sit down. More later on that. Well the halls where packed and I'm not sure what happened but next thing I know, I'm face down in the hallway. (Almost took out a little dancer with me). Finally got up, bad knee is real bad now. Made it into the ladies room. And took a deep breath. Ok now to fight my back into the hall to meet up with kids. Got there and no kids, ok fight my way back out and I will go into the lobby and text her to let her know where I am at. Ah, found her. Knee is throbbing, stomach is very hungry. So we set out to go and get FOOD. On the way over my daughter told me that the lady who wanted my seat pushed her out of her seat. Stephanie reached over to pick up something that fell and the lady shoved her kid into her seat. Some people are so rude.

Had a wonderful lunch, stopped off and pick up a few things that we forgot. Now back to our room and a nap. WRONG AGAIN, Madysen wanted to go swimming, so Step said she would take her down and I could sleep, 5 mins later my phone started to ring and it was Step, "you should come down and swim, the water is warm and no one is in the pool and could I bring down her suit. So much for the nap. Had a wonderful dip and sat in the hot tub. That will help the knee. We decided to go to the movies. Alice in Wonderland 3D, so we hurry and got there only to find out it was sold out and we had 1 hr 20 min wait for the regular movie 3 hr wait for the 3D. Ok, so we had some ice cream from the cold stone creamery. Finally movie time. Order our popcorn, candy and pop, got into the theater and relaxed. Next thing I know is my daughter said that I'm starting to snore..real LOUD. Did even know that I had fallen asleep. Finished movie and got up to leave to find that the butter had leaked thought the bag, napkins and made a BIG spot on my jeans. Finally we head back to go to bed and start this all over again tomorrow at 4:30. That's right, they are starting 1/2 earlier on Sunday.

We finished up, grabbed lunch and headed home. Got home about 3 PM unloaded the car, said Hi the all the critters, settled down to take nap, you got it. Phone rang it was youngest daughter. Hubby got truck stuck and could I come and get the kids. They where scared and hungry. So off I go, get the kids and head home, almost there and Morghan said, Grandma my belly hurts, I think I'm going to throw up. And she did. Get home, get her cleaned up, started laundry. Amanda comes and gets the kids.

To make this long story short. Had a great weekend, lots of fun. Can hardly walk, was in bed by 9:30 last night. Co worker said that I look very tired. I'm just wondering how long before I feel humane again?

Yes, age has a way of reminding you that you are NOT as young as you think.

Mar. 10, 10

Well today is my 57th birthday. It's a day of mixed blessings and I'm not sure which one has more in it. It's been 11 years since I loss the women who gave me life. The pain is less but it's always there, just like with Brad. I can go down memory lane and not cry all the time. The women that gave me life was a very special person. I just wish that my kids knew that person instead of the one she became because of so many of life's disappointments.

I remember just the three of us and we had so much fun. I think that she really enjoyed us girls. Don't get me wrong, she was a hard parent. She expected 110% of you, she was a very firm parent. There was no foolin her. But for a single working mom of the 60's she was good. I have so many happy memories and they definitely make the blessing basket over flowing. But it's a hard time celebrating my birthday with out her, Let alone knowing that she left us on this day. And of course there is the fact I don't have Brad with me either. No lunch with mom and no dinner with Brad. But not to worry the kids are planning dinner and a small celebration. I just the hope that the ghosts of my loved ones will be there with us.

Mar. 8, 2010

Today is Madysens 11th birthday. I'm not sure when she reached this age. And I find it hard to believe that in two years she will be a teenager. It's not possible. I mean....her mother is only in her twenties and her aunt is in her teens....right. So that means I'm only in my 40's. OK, now that my kids are laughing hysterically at me, I will admit that it was only wishful thinking on my part. But i don't want to grow up or old. If I could just turn the clock back. But I can't. Why can't the body feel as young as the mind does. It can't be that long since I was graduated and got married, or had my kids. I feel like it was yesterday.
But it's not...and my 1st Grand daughter is 11. I remember sitting in the hall with her Granny, we where rocking and listening for that first cry. Couldn't wait to see our 1st. Not knowing that it was not going to be our last and the that each and everyone would be as special as this one. No...I'm sure it was just yesterday...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGEL

Heat

Yahooooo, I'm finally hooked up to natural gas. I'm living like a modern women again. It's been a long winter but I have made it. The oven is turned off and I can do as many loads of laundry or take as many showers and I want. It feels so good.
My son in law got me hooked up this past Sunday. It took him about 1/2 day but it's done and I'm so happy.
Now just have to pay off the electric bill from heating with the stove.

Mar. 3 , 2010

It's hard to believe that my baby girl is 24 today. It seems like yesterday I was on my way to the hospital to have her. It was a Monday morning and I drove myself in and dropped off my oldest daughter at a friends house and meet Brad at the hospital. He didn't think that they would induce me and was going to go back to work. I tried to tell him how upset my Dr was that they didn't keep me when he had sent me over the Thursday before. My feet where so swollen that he had sent me to the hospital and told them to admit me. Well they didn't and sent me home so I was back on Monday. They found out that I was in the early stages of labor so we waited for the OB to get in. Sure enough he came in around 10 and decided to as he put it "lets get this done." So they started the drip and he said that he was going to go and have lunch because they had pecan pie. I looked at him and said that he had better hurry or he wouldn't get to eat it. That was around lunch time. When they called him back I asked if he got the to eat the pie. He said no, I said good. Not quite sure what he was doing but Amanda came into this world at 3:03 PM. Brad was so supportive and loving. He was so happy to have 2 girls. You where such a good baby, so quite hardly cried the first few weeks. A good sleeper for the first 6 - 8 mos. That is when you decided that you had enough of the crib. Quite adventurous and easily entertained yourself. You where a very good child and a very loving child. I'm so proud of her, of all of my family.

Mar. 2, 2010

It's some what sunny today and warmer. I have a horrible cold and feel darn right crappy. Amanda called me in the middle of the night about Bradley (my 2yr old grandson). He has been sick for the past week, running a fever and the works. Well his temp finally came down alright, like reading 95 and he was yellow. So into the hospital she goes with him. After several hours they can't find anything wrong and his temp. finally came back up so home he went. (That was around 8 this morning) By 11 AM his temp is back up to 101 so she called the Dr. and is taking him back at 3:30. This is a crock, they need to find out what is wrong with him and figure out how they are going to treat him. I swear some hospitals and Dr (especially in our county) needs to go back to med school. This is the same hospital and staff that treated my daughter who had tonsillitis by giving her vicodin instead of antibiotics. See what I mean, repeat med school please. They are also a branch of the hospital that sent the same daughter home saying she was having false labor and we delivered her baby 3 hrs. later at home. That is why I don't go to that hospital. I hope she calls soon. I know Brad, calm down, I hear you. It's just not working.