I had a very bad cold and Brad was taking care of me. He had made 2 trips to the market to get things that would make me feel better. I remember sitting in the lazy boy and watching him out in the yard. He was out looking for his wedding band that he had lost the week before. When he came in he asked if it would be alright if he made the soup on Sunday because he wasn't feeling well. We both thought that he might be coming down with my cold. So we went to bed not knowing that would be the last time. So if we had known we would have held each other more, talked more and spent time with the kids and not wasted the night sleeping. But no we just went to bed not knowing.
The first few hours are so vivid the rest is a blur. So we went to bed and I was awaken by Brad telling me that he had a the worst pain in his head that he had ever felt. I got up and gave him some pain meds and went downstairs to let the dogs out. Still not knowing that in the next 30 mins my life would come to a screeching haul. So is there anything I could have done differently, probley not. So I try not to live with the what ifs, but it's so hard not to. It's so hard to to remember that the last day and night with each other was spent so ordinary.
I can tell you that for the most part I am healing. I don't cry every day or multiple times a day. I laugh more and I'm sleeping better. But I'm still not where I should be or want to be. And I'm facing the fact I most likely never will be. But I have found out that I will survive. And that I will always love him and miss him. He was my life and my life is not or will ever be the same. So today marks 3 yrs since Brad has past away. 3 very short and very long years. He will be remembered forever and never forgotten. He is still my life.
