Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Dec. 30, 2009

Well the holidays are almost over. I had a few bad moments, but over all it was much better this year. I laughed more and really enjoyed the kids and grand kids. I didn't get the tree up until the Sunday before Christmas, but it's OK. Both my kids thought the tree was alot bigger when they where little. I guess I should explain. I used the tree that we use to use when the girls where younger. Since they have left home we bought a 7ft fiber optic tree, only this year we couldn't find the base. So my son in law found the old one in the basement and brought that one up to use. I have to say, that for a tree that is 30 yrs old, it looked real good. I was quite surprised how good it looked. But both of my girls thought that it had shrunk. It's funny how things look differently from when we are small to when we are all grown up.
With alot of help from my youngest the living room looks great. It still needs to be painted, but boy it really looks great. They wouldn't let me in while they cleaned the carpet, hung the drapes and put the furniture in place. They did such a good job. Now if I can get the rest of the house done. It's time to clean out and clean up the upstairs.
I know I joke about how I like it cooler then most people, and I do. But I sure wish I could get hooked up to natural gas. I'm milking the propane, (I can't afford to buy 250 gals) so it's colder then I like it. I so wish for a warm spell. Maybe I will get hooked up soon. I hope.
I will miss sitting in the hot tub waiting for ball to drop. That is how Brad and I use bring the New Year in. This year I will probley be in bed sleeping. We never did much celebrating. So I hope everyone has a good New Years.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Dec. 18, 2009

I'm sorry I haven't posted anything new lately. It's been crazy at work and trying to get ready for the holidays. I haven't even got my tree up yet. I use to have it up Thanksgiving weekend now here it is the Friday before Christmas and still no tree. Hopefully this weekend.
Yesterday was my 38th wedding anniversary. It's hard to believe that it was 38 year ago that I married Brad and now he is gone and it's just another day. No cards, no flowers, no dinner, no I love you. It's seems so wrong that such a special day should be turned into just another day. And people just don't know what to say to you. And you can't tell them what to say because nothing will help.
I do believe I handled it better this year. I told him that I love him and miss him. I made a little note on face book and thanked those that responded. Then I kept real, real busy.
I thought I had finished my Christmas shopping last night only to find out that I must had inadvertently put a gift back that I had intended on buying. So I have to stop and pick that up, then I'm done. Now for the wrapping and baking. Oh and putting up the tree. Then a week later get to take every thing down again. And to think that I use to love Christmas. What ever happened to the spirit? I sure hope I find it again some day.
I'm not going to bake as many cookies that I use to do. I'm only making 4 different kinds and only a couple dozen of each one. That way there shouldn't be any left to temp me. I have been doing very well on my diet. I'm feeling better even. My knees aren't yet, but there is still hope for that. I go to the dietitian on Sat. we will see what she says. I will let you know.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

DEC. 10, 2009

Winter is here in full force, gusty winds up to 40 mph. wind chills in the single digits. Brrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm try to get ready for Christmas. It gets harder every year. I wish it was like it was when my kids where little. I would put up a tree in every room, 4 of the trees where big ones. Then all the other decorations. My grand children have never ever seen the way it use to be. But since I started working it's been to much to do all of that, and now since Brad is gone, it's really to much work. If it was easier to get to it and put back I probley would do it. Maybe someday I will do it.
I keep telling my kids that they don't have to get me anything, just give me their time. I have so much to do that I can't do by myself. I do realize sometimes that giving your time is harder then just going out and buy a gift. I do know that if I was able to I would hire someone to do the work. I can't wait to have a new place then maybe I will need less help to maintain it.
I hope to finish my Christmas shopping by the middle of next week. I really don't have to much more to get. I will do some tonight on my way home and again on my way to work in the morning. I will be so glad when it's done. I'm going to do some baking but not like I use to. And I'm sending all the left overs home with the kids. I can't get over how good I have been about all of my food choices. I'm very proud of myself.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Dec. 7, 2009

It's Monday afternoon. Very overcast and damp. We are suppose to get our 1st snow storm this Tuesday and Wednesday. We will see if they are right. You know how often the weather man are wrong. I went up north with Amanda and her family this past weekend. It was very relax full, and let me tell you they had snow. They had 3-5 on the ground and we got another 6-8 on Saturday night. The roads weren't the best, in fact we ran into a couple of areas that had a total white out. Not fun.
Over the weekend I gave up coke and made the complete switch over to diet coke. I have decided that I'm going to beat this. I am going to lose the weight and control it with my diet. I have never been this determined to do something. It scares me if I can't. I know what can happen and I don't want to go there. I want to enjoy the rest of my life.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Dec. 2, 2009

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving. The whole family was there. I wish that it would always be this way, but if things don't change I know it won't be. The weather is not to bad today, around 50. I hear snow is being for casted for tomorrow. What can you expect for December, right?
I had to go to the doctor yesterday for re-fills on my meds. I go to a free clinic because I have no insurance since I lost my husband. I work but still can not afford to pay for insurance. Any way, I got quite the shock. I was told I have diabetes. They gave me some info to read and told me to go to a class. Have a nice day. Now what do I do? A dear friend who's husband has diabetes had a new monitor he wasn't using and gave that to me. But I can't afford the test strips and I have know idea what the reading are suppose to be. In the county I live in there isn't to much help for the uninsured. I guess this will be a motivator to lose some weight. I asked about some help with my knees and was told there is nothing they can do. They can't even write a script for pain meds. It's so much fun getting old.
I was in a pretty bad mood yesterday because of this news. Stephanie was trying to tell me all the things I needed to know. And that changing my diet was a good thing and she would help me. I did inform her that I hated the changes I have to make and I was going to feel sorry for myself for the rest of the evening. I felt I was entitled to a 24 hr. pity party. She said FINE but I had better lose it by morning. I did.
Today I have been trying to find some answers to all of my questions. It's a slow process. Hopefully after my class I will have more answers and more understanding. But why now, just before the holidays!