Sunday, January 31, 2010

Jan. 31, 2010

The birthday party was so good. He had so much fun with his trucks and toys. I have to say he looked pretty sharp in his new cowboy boots and Harley motorcycle jacket. I will post pictures later. His mother is trying to get better ones. He was to busy to stand still very long. If we could only keep them little for ever...

My son in law Rich and I was watching all the kids playing and he made a comment regarding his two sons. That he was not looking forward to the teenage years and that he would probley know all the local cops on first name basis. Not that they are bad boys, they are just boys! Richie is the mouth and Mason is the action. And lord help us. I on the other hand can sit back and almost picture them as teens. It will be very interesting and could be amusing also. I'm glad that I'm just the grandmother. Yup, boys are different...but you got to love them.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Jan. 29, 2010

Yesterday my youngest grandson's birthday. He is named after his grandpa and he turned 2. It's hard to believe how fast the time goes. Brad was so looking forward to this grand baby. He would say "just another one to love". The grandchildren meant the world to him. I wish he could see how they are growing. They are getting so big. He would be so proud.

Sometimes I just hate special events. It makes it so hard to realise how long he has been gone.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Jan. 24, 2010

It's Sunday and has been raining most of the day, and like the day my mood is the same. I'm very depressed this weekend. I don't know why unless it's because of my knee hurting so badly. I haven't been sleeping well because of it. Nothing has seemed to work to make it feel better. I have no energy, all I want to do is sit or sleep. I feel like I have wasted the whole weekend.
When I woke this morning for some strange reason I reached for the phone to call my mom. Boy did that one surprise me, she will have been gone 11 yrs this March. It just goes to show that know matter how long it's been, it's still there. The emptiness. So I guess this is how it will be for the rest of my life.

Last night Amanda called and told me about this Great Dane that was given up. Sent me pictures, she is absolutely beautiful. I found myself wanting her, but what would I do with her. This morning I found out that Amanda is going to keep her. I'm glad but at the same time sad.
No not a good weekend.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Jan. 20, 2010

Work has been stressful the last few days, and it looks like it might stay that way for awhile. Job security, right? After having such a relax full weekend it makes me wish that I could stay home more. Catch up on all the things I have neglected, do some decorating, visit with friends. Maybe someday.

I was watching a show and this lady had lost her husband. They didn't say how he had died, but she said that when he had been gone for 6 month, she woke up one day and decided that was it. Life goes on and so was she. She was going to move, redecorate and become a new her. It makes me think that he must have been ill a very long time for her to make such drastic changes after 6 months. More power to her. But from my experience and those of my friends that have lost their husbands that is not how it goes. I do know that I hit different stages of grief. Some stages I thought that I was making great head way only to be slammed back to the start. I really didn't get to where I'm feeling good until this past month. And boy I hope it stays this way.
I mean I still have lonely times and I know I always will. I still cry over some silly thing that I remember and that will never change. But over all I feel the best I have felt since Brad past away.

Each of us traveling this horrible path have to find our own way. No matter how long it takes us to get there, and we will.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Jan. 17, 2010

Sunday evening, it's been a very nice weekend. Warming up to the upper 30's. Very nice. I did some housework, and ran some errands, and just relaxed. I wanted to clean the laundry room, but didn't get to it. But something tells me that it won't go any where. And I'm not worried about it. It was a very stressful week at work and the next few does not show any signs of changing. So I value restful weekends.

I went over to Step's house 3 night to help Mason do his homework. He is such a corker. He is making real great progress, but he is a worrier. But we seem to have a great connection. I have to say I feel very close to all 5 of my grand kids. I enjoy spending time with them and I think they enjoy spending time with me.

Last Wednesday evening I took Step and the kids to Kroger's. I know one of the clerk there, she was working and we checked out in her lane. Of course we shared stories about her cats and mine. Gave each other hugs and Patty said love ya hon. We started out and Madysen asked why she said that, she not one of your friends she just works her. I explained that she was a friend of mine, even though we don't see each other outside of Kroger's often. That I met her at Kroger's and our friendship developed from there. That you can meet new friends any where. I then told her that I have made several friends of customers that come into my work. And we talk and see each other outside of my work.

Later at home I was thinking about our conversation and I remember someone say "if you have 2 real friends, then you are in deed a rich person". If that is the case, then I'm so wealthy you can begin to count all of my riches. And I'm not talking about casual friends that you just say hi to when you see them. I'm talking about friends that you can call day or night, that know you better then you know yourself sometimes, that are there no matter what. They won't let you get away with hiding from things, but they would be sitting in jail with you after they help kick some behind if need be. These friends are as close as family. I know this because when I was losing Brad and the calls went out, they where there. Every time I went into the waiting room, I was surprised how many people where there. And in the days that followed, they sat with me, cried with me, and just held my hand. Some of these friends I hadn't seen in years, and yet they where there. Yes, I am very rich.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Jan.8, 2010

Boy did we get the snow last night. Now the winds. No school today so Madysen my oldest granddaughter went to work with me while the boys went over to a friends house for the day. It was along drive into work but we made it. Very quite, not many people out and about. When I got home the drive was all done. It's always nice to come home and not have to worry about things like that. Amanda and her family was over so we spent some time together. Mo didn't want to go home, it was so much fun watching her trying to reason with her mom on why she should be able to stay. The first one was "her mom had Bradley so she didn't need her", after several attempts with that one she just looked at her mom and said "but Grandma needs kids." Have to say I lost it on that one. The little dickens. Needless to say, she went home, but not with out a fight.

Jan. 11, 2010

This past week has been sooo cold. My son in law brought over a stack of wood for the wood burner in the living room. Now those of you that knew Brad, knows how much he loved heating the house with wood. I haven't done much of that since he died. But this weekend I started a fire and kept it going all weekend. The furnace didn't come on once. In fact it got over 70. I was roasting. Brad would have been so proud of it, so proud of me. But now it's a work week so no fire.....not until this weekend. Here is to you honey.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Jan. 5, 2010

Well the New Year is here, and it's been so cold!!!!!!!!! We don't have alot of snow. Maybe 3", it looks pretty out, I just wish it would warm up to the upper 20's. I don't like the single digits and sub zero wind chills. I had a very quite New Years. I had Mo & Bradley, we went over to Aunt Step's house and played. Rich fixed some wings and ribs, UMMMM so good. Spent some time with Jenny & Joel before they had to go back to South Dakota ;( . And some other very dear friends Jen & Bill stopped over. It was so good to see them. I took the kids back to my house and Amanda and Brandon came down and spent the night with me. It was such a nice time. I did nothing the rest of the weekend. Read a book, did a little laundry and dishes, but I didn't even get dressed on Sat & Sun. Very lazy ;) .

I made a new years resolution just to get healthier. That will help with my diabetes, weight loss, and hopefully my knees. My second one is getting this house in order. The only thing left to do down stairs is the 1/2 bath and laundry room. Then we head upstairs. I'm not talking about painting or re-doing just a good cleaning and sorting out stuff. Then when that is done we will see about re-doing some areas. Maybe just finishing up some projects that have been started. Hopefully I will have the upstairs done by spring and then I can get started outside and the garage can get done. Wish me luck, I will keep you posted on the progress.

I think I'm actually looking forward to this year. For some reason I feel like it might be a turning point for me. I will always miss Brad, and I know that there will still be some hard days a head. But I feel like I might have some kind of further to look forward to. It's still gets lonely with no one to hold me or share special moments. But that is OK. I don't think I will ever be ready to share what I shared with Brad with any one else. I think I will just hang on to the memories instead.