Wednesday, November 11, 2009
NOV. 11, 2009
I'm not sure what to write today. I know that tomorrow is the official day that I Brad died. But I really lost him on the 11th. That is the day it happened, that is the day I can't forget. I just don't know what else to say. It's not fair, the sun is shinning the air was frosty and cold this morning and now its warming up nicely. It seems so normal, it just don't feel right, it's not right. Sometimes I feel like I'm on the outside, looking in, like it's movie I'm watching. That none of this is real, and if that is the case why does it hurt so much. Damn I wish I had the some answers. I'm going to have dinner with my sister tonight. She is coming up to spend a couple of hours with me. My kids tell me to just think about that and nothing else. I'm trying... I'm trying hard. Everyone should have a sister like mine. We are close, so close. I'm not sure how I got so lucky, but I did. We have so much fun together, we really do like each other, I mean it. If you could see some the silly things we have done and our families just smile and shake their heads. Everyone should be so lucky to this kind of relationship with their sibling. It's how families where meant to be. So I will just focus and tonight. It will have to be better then last night. Went to bed at 9:30 and cried myself to sleep...now I'm not going to start crying again..NO I'm not!!!! Stop it, take a deep breath, another one,....there that is better. Tonight...just think about tonight..ok...it's OK. It's OK.