Nov. 21, 2009 PM

I didn't get anything done today except grocery shopping. Instead I spent time with both my girls and their families. I went and had lunch with Step and then Amanda called and she was at my house, they where doing my leaves. So I got to send time with them. We went to the store and Mo rode the amigo with me. She would push the buttons(of course faster is always better) and I would steer. It got interesting at times. She is quite the little helper. So my day was distracted and now I'm sitting here with a Christmas movie playing in the back ground and feeling depressed again. I had another good cry after they left and it feels like I'm not done yet. I'm so afraid of what this new year will bring. The changes that it will come to my family. I'm afraid of what will happen to us. And I'm selfish enough not to what some things to change. I'm afraid I won't see my grandchildren as much as I want. I'm afraid that I will become a burden for my children. I'm afraid of being alone. I wish I could do more for myself. I have to try and get healthier so I can take better care of myself, so the kids won't have to do so much for me. I just wish I could stop crying today. I just wish.............